FEAR OF THE FAMILIAR

Last week, I taught a lesson.  Apart from a brief foray into teaching statistics (it was a compulsory assignment and no, I was not aware of it when I applied to take this course!), it was the first time I’d taught for five months.  I planned, rehearsed and worried more than any NQT.  What if I couldn’t remember the pupils’ names?  What if they behaved badly to test me?  What if the work was too easy or too hard for them?  What if I couldn’t work the technology?  I remembered how complex teaching is, how much of it is about performing, and felt something akin to stage-fright.

Yet the lesson itself was great fun!  It was exhilarating to be in the classroom, making music with a great class, finding opportunities to question, challenge and laugh together.  Some things were tricky (my ability to play an accompaniment whilst singing the note-names for the melody has deteriorated over the last few months) but I left feeling energised and confident.  To experience something that I was familiar with and good at, after several months of new situations, was a real boost.  I’ve remembered how tricky and multi-faceted teaching is, but also that I enjoy doing it.

Despite this, I definitely don’t regret the decision to take a break from teaching.  The opportunities I’m finding in Canada are wonderful; I’m very grateful for the chance to study full time and to live in a different country.  In fact, there are many things about teaching that I don’t miss at all, such as data analysis, risk assessments, finding a way to make Peripetie appealing, and the exhaustion of teaching six lessons in a day with a rehearsal at lunchtime.  But I’ve realised that I do miss making music with pupils, particularly singing as part of a group; it’s strange that it’s nearly Christmas but I haven’t had that spine-tingling feeling that comes with being part of a particularly luscious harmony.  On the other hand, it’s nearly Christmas and I haven’t lost my voice from singing too loudly, or started shaking with anxiety during the riskiest item in the carol service.  It’s not necessarily better or worse – but it is different.  And different can be great, but that doesn’t mean that familiarity is not equally valuable from time to time.

IMG_1308

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s